Law And Chaos
by Prustrian Informant
Summary: Arrested for a crime he did not commit, Shizuo must rely on his friend's lawyer friend, a man by the name of Izaya Orihara... yaoi, lemons, innuendos, and a lot of that fine print crap.
1. The Arrest

Shizuo Heiwajima was a bartender.

He did not like his job. He didn't have much of anyone in the way of friends. He did not associate with his relatives except for his brother, of whom was usually far far away from him. He did not care about children for he found them to be too fragile and annoying.

No, the only thing this man wished for, longed for, was peace.

He longed for this because deep down in his very person, he truly felt he was a peaceful, tranquil person: A person who others should look up to instead of feared, a person who could go an entire week without losing his temper, a person who could stop avoiding his landowner because his pay had been reduced to the point that he couldn't even buy instant ramen every night.

Shizuo Heiwajima was a bartender, a bartender who was currently being shoved up against a chain link fence and read his rights as several officers tranquilized him so that they could take him to jail.

"Sir, you are under arrest for the murders of Mairu and Kururi Orihara, one miss Vorona, and Kyohei Kadota."

Well this was just the perfect ending to his day…

Shizuo couldn't imagine what could possibly make it worse.

~.~

"Orihara!"

Sleek black pants, warm parka with fur trim, briefcase, tie, perfectly styled hair, an air of superiority, the man strut down the hallway like he owned it. Oh wait, he did in fact own this particular hallway. He was the owner of this establishment. A smirk graced his lips as he reminded himself of this fact.

"Orihara-sempai!" A second voice joined in with the first and Orihara Izaya looked behind him, seeing his two interns come sprinting forth to greet him.

"Masaomi. Ryugamine."

Ryugamine panted as his friend smiled, "hey! We heard they caught the guy who killed your sisters and those other two dudes!"

"Are you going to be attending the trail?"

"Mikado. Kida." Izaya shook his head and wrapped an arm around each, leading them to his office, "now why would I need to do that? I should be thanking this person. They saved this whole office from being blackmailed with our personal sexual choices." The duo shivered as Izaya continued, "plus despite this suspect having killed my other precious humans, he is still a human himself. It would be unethical of me to take joy in his suffering."

Kida grabbed his fellow intern and stepped away a bit, his face bemused. "If he killed someone he can't very well be human."

"It seems so wrong to kill…"

"Guys, chill. He's only been arrested. It doesn't mean he's guilty, although it won't matter. With someone like Anri presiding over the whole thing, the man will be dead before he takes a step in the court-" Izaya was forced to pause as his phone vibrated. He winked at the duo and pulled his phone out, smirking brighter at the name. "Ah, moshi moshi, Shinra! I haven't spoken to you since high school. How is that wife hunting going?"

_"Izaya, I need your help!"_

"Help? From little old me?" The brunet waved to his interns and shut his office door, settling in before his laptop. "What can I do for a friend such as you?"

_"I have this friend…"_

"Now Shinra, lying won't get you anywhere. Since when do you have friends?"

_"Let me finish. This guy was another friend from Riara. We hung out whenever you weren't available." _Which would have been all the time. _"He got arrested this morning and he's refusing to let anyone try to help him. He even pushed away my wife!"_

"The fiend!" Izaya matched some more cards on his computer screen and continued to half listen.

_"I know, but he's still my friend and I would like you to help me free him. He's in deep."_

"Deep?"

_"He's so deep in false charges it isn't even funny."_

"Sounds fascinating." Izaya pulled his scratchpad over and grabbed a pen. "So there's this friend of my dearest friend, sitting in a jail cell and you would like me to help him."

_"Yes."_

"And what would this gentleman's name be?"

_"…"_

"Shinra~! How can I help someone who's name I don't know?"

"…_I know this may seem a bit… crazy, but there was no one else I could turn to who has as high a win-rate as you."_

_ "_Yes, yes. I'm a shark. Can I haz name now?"

_"You know we're best friends right?"_

"You make this sound so scary~!" He smirked more as Kida hurried in to drop off the newspaper. Izaya listened to his friend continue to prolong the reveal of a name as he glanced down at the newspaper. **BARTENDER ARRESTED FOR MURDER SPREE**

** Heiwajima Shizuo, 24, was arrested for the murder of…**

_"Izaya, I'm sorry."_

"Shinra, for the last time, I only need his name and I'll help your friend right out."

"_…his name is Shizuo Heiwajima."_

_~.~_

_**A/N: I've been hording this idea for a month! I typed some, deleted it, typed more, loved it. It's beautiful. It's stunning. It makes me so very proud to present to my dear readers. I've decided that this story shall be updated like so, ten or more reviews means quick update, less means slower update (or none for the week). It will be updated at least once a week, depending on interest. LET THE REVIEWS COMMENCE!**_


	2. The Hiring of a Lawyer

"Sh-Shizuo…" Izaya stared across his office as the fan continued to move slowly around in circles.

"I'm so sorry, Izaya! I know this is a difficult case and your sisters were two of the victims, but-"

"Of course, I'll help you, Shinra!"

"Y-You will?" The good doctor sounded shocked beyond all belief as Izaya picked up some darts and tossed them at the nearby wall.

"Shinra, Shinra, Shinra~ You know that any friend of yours is a friend of mine. What's more, a person is always innocent until proven guilty. No matter the crime, the past of the person, or the assumptions of the public; a lawyer must always believe in his client." Spinning in his chair, the informant laughed loudly, "what fun! WHAT FUN! You've given me the best Christmas gift ever, Shinra!"

"Uh…" the doctor sounded completely lost in the conversation. "A-Alright then… I guess I'll just leave this to you then…"

"Yes you will! We'll see our good man walking out this time next week!"

"Thanks…"

"Ja ne!" Izaya hung up and threw a couple more darts, laughing maniacally. How perfect! How amazing! What luck he had! He was going to have the time of his life. Oh! But the world just loved him!

"What's so funny, Orihara-san?" Mikado poked his head in, Masaomi standing behind him.

"Great news boys! We're going to be defending the assumed culprit of the murders of my departed siblings and my other humans!"

"WHAT?" Both men frowned at him as Izaya nodded excitedly, "We're going to defend Heiwajima Shizuo! Isn't it great news!"

"Wh-what? Orihara! How can you defend him when he has murdered your sisters?"

"The courts will never let you," Masaomi argued.

"Never fear men." Izaya replied, getting to work at his computer. "I have a favor to get from some people."

~.~

"Shizuo!" Shinra ran forward and grabbed the phone, looking at his friend on the other side of the window. Shizuo held the phone and glared across at him.

"I didn't kill those bastards."

"I know! Don't worry! I found you a brilliant lawyer. He says he'll have you out by next week!"

"Yeah?" Shizuo shook his head, "doesn't matter. Whether here and out there, it doesn't make a difference; I won't find a job or anything."

"Come on, Shizuo! Don't worry about it. My friend will help you out!"

"Your friend?"

"Yeah, we've been friends longer than you and I have. He's the best lawyer around. Trust me! He got my wifey out of some serious speeding tickets even after the men found out my dear wifey has no head."

"Yeah… Where is Celty?"

"Well, she would have come in, but there's the whole strict security system in this place… You understand."

"Gotcha." The blond rubbed his face tiredly before standing up, "this place is driving me mad."

"We'll get you out, Shizuo. Just remember, if a guy named Orihara Izaya comes in, he's yours."

"Alright."

"I think you both will get along great."

"I guess…"

~.~

"Your honor~"

Anri turned to find herself looking at the last person she really wanted to see. "Orihara."

"It's a pleasure to see you again. Slashing anything fun lately?"

"What do you want now?"

"Well you see, I have been given a unique opportunity. I have been hired by a client to defend him against some serious murder charges…"

"Heiwajima?" Anri stared at him in shock.

"Yes, Shizu-chan has hired me and I have this whole little thing of my sisters being two of the murdered parties."

"It won't happen."

"That's where you come in, my favorite wonderful judge!"

"You want me to throw my job on the line for you…"

"Yep!" Izaya leaned on her desk and smirked, "you know how much I love our little heart to hearts in the courtroom. We can fight tooth and nail. It'll be just like the trial about the yakuza."

"You know that gentleman Shiki was guilty."

"Never proven~"

"…You can't keep forcing me to do this."

"Anri~ You know I can since you're the slasher of the serious incidents the other year."

The woman glared at him before sighing, "you better not fuck this up, Orihara. If I lose my job, you're the first person I'm slashing."

"So violent~!" Izaya backed away, bowing as he grinned. "Until our fun time in the courtroom, your 'honorable' judge."

"Get the hell out, Orihara."

"Gotta bounce~" He shut the door and skipped happily down the hallway. Waving at the guards, he headed straight to the jail. The people parted for him like the sea before the messiah! Oh yes, he was on top of the world! He was going to defend an assumed murderer! AGAIN! It was moments like these that made his job as a lawyer so fulfilling!

Eight years of no college, shush now, don't tell those other sharks in the courtroom that he had been taught from no human how to be a brilliant lawyer. He was just a god among men. Yes, he was the greatest lawyer of all time.

"Name?"

"Orihara Izaya, attorney at law."

The man grunted before looking at his papers. "You're here for… Heiwajima?" The man looked up in half-horror, "you know he was tranquilized before-"

"Knocked out before brought here? How barbaric!" Izaya bounced passed him, amused, "I'll be on my way then. I have a client to defend."

"I'll have the others get him into a private room for you!" The other called as Izaya wandered away.

"Ja ne!"

Oh what wonders awaited him in that room with the so-called murdering bartender!


	3. The Client

Shizuo sat in the interrogation room and glared at the entire space. He hated being here. He hated putting up with the stupid guards trying to show how tough they were by picking at the 'fortissimo of Ikebukuro.' He was just so sick and tired and annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed annoyed ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED **ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED ANNOYED~!**

He just wanted to toss everything at the stupid damn guards until they were finally shut up and he could just live in the fucking peace that he wanted!

"Ah, Heiwajima-san~!" A mid-ranged voice purred as Shizuo looked over to find a suit-wearing brunet entering the room. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Orihara Izaya attorney at law. I'm gong to represent you in the hearing and make sure that you are cleared of all charges."

"Good luck with that." Shizuo wrinkled his nose at the so-called attorney. He stank. Not a smell stank, but an annoying little shit-face stank. He was most likely shadier than the rest of this messed up criminal system. He was done with this damn city. He should have moved ages ago. Gone to live in the country where he wouldn't have had to put up with any of this.

"Ah, ye of so little faith." Izaya chuckled before going to sit across from him and smirking that increasingly annoying smirk. "First off, I would like to hear your statement."

"Those damn cops have my statement on paper, not that they listened or read it."

"They are an incompetent lot of people, ne?"

Annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying-

"However, Shizu-chan. I would like to hear from you first hand what you were doing on the nights of these murders."

Shizuo twitched, "…"

The brunet pulled out a pad of paper and a pen and looked at him expectantly.

"…what the hell did you just call me?"

"Shizu-chan. There's no need for formalities. We are going to be working quite closely for the next few days."

"Don't call me that. It's Shizuo."

The man waved him off as if he were some petulant child, "potato potahto. Onwards with the statement."

"I was sleeping… and working at the bar, I guess…"

"You guess?"

"Look! I don't keep a fucking list of where I am for this kind of shit and there were a dozen dates on the list that they gave me!"

"Four."

"What?"

"There were four dates. Although to be fair, two of them could have been paired up as one, since those two were never apart more than five feet of another."

Shizuo was smelling a rat. "How do you know so much shit about the victims?"

"Siblings. Anyway-"

"What?" Knew it! This damn attorney was a lying sell out sack of shit! "I want a different lawyer-"

"Now, now. I was specifically sought out by our common friend Shinra for this job. I hated my sisters, I personally doubt that you would kill my sisters, although if you did then all the better! I would personally send flowers to the killer, or a knife…"

"They were your family."

"They were little demons, now then-"

"I don't like you."

Izaya smirked more and nodded, "noted! Anyway, we will have a wonderful hearing with the court in a few days, however, I am going to speak with the judge about a house arrest situation, at least get you away from the pesky, annoying jailers. Sound like a plan? Do you have a person of trust you can stay with?"

Shizuo forced himself not to try and kill the man, "…no. My brother's out of town."

"Ah, well then. I will find a solution for you!" The brunet stood up and pulled his bag back up before heading for the door, "I loved our delightful chat, Shizu-chan!"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"Nothing less than I would expect of a monster~!"

Izaya was just to the hallway when the table from the room went slamming into the doorway, smashing into pieces. The brunet turned to watch as several cops went to restrain the monster. He growled and roared at them all as Izaya watched from the doorway, his pad of paper in his hands. The smirk on the brunet's face grew as he turned and continued on his way.

"Oh yes, my dear monster. It was a delightful chat and I cannot wait for our games to begin." The informant waved to the secretary at the desk before walking out the door, listening to the sounds of the far off monster of Ikebukuro as he left.


	4. Change of Plans

"Well?"

"Well what?" Shizuo looked through the window at his friend and glared at him, "do you know what the hell happened when I met your so-called friend? I ended up in here."

"Really? 'cause the police kept telling me that you lost your temper over nothing and threw a table at Izaya."

"He's a fucking bastard!" Shizuo pounded the door for emphasis and Shinra shook his head.

"That isn't going to help you."

"Maybe I don't fucking care. I would rather be stuck behind this door than rely on that son of a-"

"Shizuo! Do you really want Kasuka to find out that you are arrested for something that you didn't do? That you chose to be jailed for the rest of your life? He'll get depressed to find out about his brother he loves!"

…

Shizuo shook his head, biting his lip. "I hate that guy."

"You don't have to like Izaya. You just have to trust that he'll get you out of jail."

"Oh, well that is so much easier!"

"Shizuo! Please take me seriously! Izaya is good at his job!"

"Oh yeah? How many bastards has he saved from being properly arrested? How many guilty convicts who walked?"

Shinra glared at him, standing higher on his tiptoes to see through the window, "This isn't about what he's done. It's about getting you out of jail! Stop being a child for five minutes and _think! _If you can get out, then you can tell Izaya to fuck himself and move on with your life! You only have to associate with him _for now!"_

"…Your right." Shizuo moved lower, forcing Shinra to literally jump up and down just to see him through the window.

"Of course I am! Now that we have you all happy again! We can get you all set and ready for your next meeting with Izaya!"

"What? I have to see that bastard again?"

"Well, yes. Izaya wants to ask questions. Don't worry, this time around I'll be in the room too! Just to make you feel better."

Shizuo rubbed his face tiredly, "that doesn't make me feel better at all…" If anything it made him feel like shit. Like he really wanted to talk to that lawyer when Shinra was sitting there practically egging him on.

He could see it going on like that as well.

"It's going to be great! See you tomorrow morning! Six in the morning!"

"Wait! SIX?" He was in need of sleep!

The doctor went sprinting down the hallway and Shizuo sighed, rubbing his eyes as he sat down on the ground. He looked around the padded room and groaned, he at least didn't have to wear that damn vest for a while. As long as he-

"Heiwajima. You've been put on parole for the next week. Be thanking for religion for that." The policeman opened the door and Shizuo stared at him in shock.

"What?"

"What," the man said mockingly. "I said you are going to be under house arrest for the next week. Until your damn court date."

"How?"

"Hello, Shizu-chan." Carmine eyes looked at him fondly from behind the policeman.

"…" Shizuo narrowed his gaze.

The policeman laughed, "you've gotta be a masochist, Orihara-san, letting Heiwajima stay with you is just a plain crazy an idea."

"I think it will be fun! After all, we just get along like bread and butter."

"Yeah…" The policeman shook his head, handing Shizuo his bartender uniform. "Have a great night…"

"Will do my dear officer!" The lawyer smiled brightly before leading Shizuo the way out. He led them both through the claims area, out the front of the building, and Shizuo rounded on him, glaring.

"What the hell is this?"

"What does it sound like, since you are being so reluctant in giving me answers, I decided we should get a bit closer."

"What about that meeting tomorrow morning?"

"We can still have it. We'll enjoy tea in our charming apartment."

An officer came sprinting out and handed Izaya some papers. "We're keeping the cuff on Heiwajima's ankle. If he goes over a half mile away from your house without your telling us of it, he will be receiving a doze of sedatives, rendering him unconscious until a police officer can pick him up."

"Understood."

"If he causes you any trouble, the court declared that you must report it immediately."

Izaya grinned, leaning against Shizuo, "Don't worry officer, Shizu-chan and I will be the bestest buddies."

Life was just going to hell in a handbasket.

~.~

_**A/N: Hey, guess what? It's been over a week since I last updated. –headdesk- I need to write and update more often…**_

_** Glad to see people are enjoying this fic though. **_


	5. Delic

"Step step. Step step." The lawyer pridefully marched ahead of him, his arms outstretched as if he were pretending to be a plane. "We are removing landing gear, preparing for takeoff-"

"Can we just get to the fucking apartment." Shizuo needed a cigarette and he needed one now. He looked around only to find themselves as the center of attention. The brunet looked at him a moment before looking around at the groups of people looking at them, whispering to one another. Grinning, he tugged him into a building and snickered as he shoved him into a small room.

"Ladies! I have an escort in need of a change of clothes!"

Escort? What? Shizuo looked around the room as though it was going to bite him. He was supposed to be going to an apartment and staying low until his freaking trial. He wasn't supposed to be spending money he didn't have, he doubted that lawyer of his would do something like this. That wouldn't make sense. Weren't lawyers supposed to be stoic, technical sharks that focused on the job?

The man poked his head and, grinning, "Wonderful news, Shizu-chan. We believe we have found clothes that will make you look less like a marauding, cut-throat bartender and more human! Woohoo!" His grin doubled as he tossed a white suit and… was that pink?

"Louse! I'm not wearing this!"

"Not buts, my treat!" The man vanished from behind the door and Shizuo could hear him ordering the women around, "I was thinking something different as well. What do you ladies think of a cape? Too cliché? I am a lawyer if that helps."

What the hell kind of lawyer was he supposed to be?

Shizuo stared at the clothes he was holding and groaned in aggravation, stuck with no choice but to put it on. He would kill the damn flea. He swore he would. There was no way he wanted to wear something like this! It was embarrassing and insulting. He shook his head, throwing the damn infernal set of clothes onto the bench in the room and sitting down, crossing his arms.

No, he was not going to be anything of the sort.

"What's this?" The lawyer poked his head in, crown proudly perched upon his head as he sighed, "the commoner should be dressed. We have a great many public persons to see this upcoming week. I will not have my throne sullied with rags of the unrefined caste of society."

"I'm not dressing like some damned stripper."

"Insolence!" The man grinned more as he said that, "those clothes are Armani, tastefully styled after from regal Italian designs! Peasants who disobey their prince's orders will be returned to the dungeons."

Shizuo shook his head, "this is a violation of my rights."

"Shizu-chan~ Shizu-chan~ You have no rights, you are a convict. The only rights you remain to have are the rights to an attorney and the right to do what others tell you to."

"So if someone tells me to kill you, I can-"

"Shizu-chan! You should not be threatening or using the k word. That word is bad. Your prince demands that you refrain from vulgar language of that sort."

Dammit, could the man not shut up! Shizuo stared off into a random part of the room, not wanting to deal with this child of a man.

"Aw~ Shiz- No. I should think of another name for you. An alias of sorts. Let's see here…" He frowned, coming in completely only to earn himself a very shocked and mildly concerned look from the bartender.

Dressed head to foot in some messed up Renaissance attire, complete with tights, a brown cape, his hair styled, vaguely making the blond wonder how long he had been sulking in this fitting room; the lawyer moved forward and Shizuo found his shirt ripped up the front.

"Now then. Clothing." The man picked up the pin-striped button up and held it up, nodding, "How interesting, Shizu-chan is, in fact, a pink kind of person. Quite psychedelic."

"No."

"Hmm?" The lawyer sighed, "shameful. We'll have to try something else." The man dropped to his knees a moment before Shizuo felt his pants drop. He looked down, furious. What the hell? He paused as he saw the knife in the man's hand. His face froze, his mind trying to fully comprehend what he was seeing.

"Like my dear demon siblings, I do have some knowledge in small weapon usage." Standing up, the knife quickly vanished from view. "Now then, we have a limited amount of time to return to my abode before someone gets electrified. Let's change so we can leave."

Stuck with no other choice, Shizuo growled after the man as he left and turned to the humiliating attire. One arm and then another, buttoning up the front. The white jacket around his person, surprisingly the right size, he threw his pants to the bench, picking up the white slacks and pulling them on. He looked at himself in the mirror and frowned, looking at the stranger in front of him.

The person in the mirror looked… different. He looked successful, someone who could compete on a level with his brother Kasuka. Someone who would never be blamed for the murder of multiple people, it just didn't look like him at all. He was nowhere on the same par as this person.

"Delic."

Shizuo turned to look at the returning attorney, surprised by his sudden presence. This time he was in a similar outfit to the one he was wearing, but slightly different. "What the hell is a Delic?"

"A Delic is a person of incredible confidence. A psychedelic kinda person." Izaya grinned and turned around, pulling him out of the dressing room. "Ladies!" He addressed the women at the cash register fondly, a bright, overly cheerful smile on his face, "thanks again! My cousin and I appreciate the effort! Even a lowly commoner should have some proper clothing! My compliments to the che- whoops!" He laughed, "I meant seamstress. Compliments to the seamstress."

"Come back any time, Psyche~" the women cooed to him, a couple blushing deeply, "enjoy your day~!"

"Call me," one piped up from behind a couple of the other women.

Shizuo was pulled from the building and Izaya led him down the road, swinging their hands back and forth. "Flea, we didn't pay for this stuff."

"Of course I did. I already went forth and paid for all of this." He held up a bag, "and I bought extra while telling the fine women to handle the disposal of your former attire."

Forme- SHIT!

"You threw out my clothes!" Shizuo glared at him angrily.

"Tsk, tsk, if you're worried about your wallet. I snitched it with your pocket things earlier." He smiled as led the blond into a building, locking the place behind him.

So this was what a lawyer's home looked like, the nicely spaced furniture and potted plants added a nice, expensive touch with the royal colors. The man tossed his belongings onto the ground and headed to a couch, plopping down as if the thing was worthless.

"You always treat your stuff like shit?"

"It's not mine. I'm just using the building for this particular case."

"You bring convicts home a lot?"

"Nope." He yawned loudly and stretched a bit, "just the important ones. No use in rotting in some cell."

"I think I would rather in the jail cell."

"Tsk tsk, how sad Shizu-chan. Here I thought we had some chemistry going on." The brunet sat up and looked at him, "We went shopping, had some small talk-"

"You're acting like it was a fucking date."

That laugh went rippling through the room as the lawyer grinned at him, "a date! Why Shizu-chan, I didn't know you swung that way. Alas, I have no interest in that respect with you. I'm a permanent member of the singles club."

"That's weird coming from someone who looks like he belongs in a male strip club."

Izaya looked over at him, his face turning into a dark, sadistic grin. "A male stripper, eh? Is it the fur? It's kind of my thing. You should see my wardrobe. I was informed that it was an attractive kinky part of my clothing line. Who can resist something so soft and warm?"

Shizuo shook his head. "It looks cheap."

"Cheap? Ouch, coming from the man dressed in similar attire." Izaya leaned back, unbuttoning his jacket and turning on his soundsystem nearby. Pulling a bottle of some brown alcohol towards himself, he spun the cap open and looked over, his red eyes glinting, "Bourbon?"

"No." Shizuo sat down on the arm chair nearby to the man and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling. "…I don't even have my job when this is over, do I?"

"I don't see why you would want a job such as that." Izaya sipped his drink and winced, clearly showing he wasn't an alcoholic or approving of the stuff. He went quiet as he hit his chest a couple times, shutting his eyes in agony as the alcohol went down. "agh… so… find some new job. There are jobs around every corner-"

"Not with something like this on my record…" Shizuo shook his head, "I'll be lucky to find a part time job."

"Blah," the man stuck his tongue out childishly, "jobs are easy as pie to find around this city. You'll have a new job by this time next week."

"If only it were that easy…"

"And I named you Delic. How sad, you don't live up to the liveliness of the name." Izaya stood up and walked over, standing before the blond seriously. Finally, Shizuo sniffed something strange upon the man. He looked over at him and noticed his eyes again, or rather, something about his eyes. They were dilated. That meant that the bourbon… and the shopping… he was doing it drunk?

"How much have you drank this evening?"

"HA! HAHAHAHAHA!" The man continued to laugh histerically, plopping himself into his lap. "Drunk! Imagine! Someone such as me getting drunk!" The man grinned and stood upon his knees, the knife back out and at his throat, "my twin sisters were murdered, and the person staying under my roof is their murderer." The blade traversed down from just under his chin to his adam's apple. "You ask me if I'm drunk, half the world must be asking that to me. Even my damn secretary asked me that."

"Why are you defending me?"

The brunet laughed, "I like puzzles, Shizu-chan. I like fascinating, interesting things." His face hovered in front of him as his hands gripped his white jacket, "You're one of the most interesting cases I've taken on."

"That can't be it."

"Well… Shinra asked me to take it and since he tends to patch me up from time to time."

"Patch you up? What do you do? Get a papercut on lawyer forms?"

"Haha, my other job, my dear Shizu-chan." The brunet stood up, pulling away and shutting his eyes. "It has been a fun night, Shizu-chan, but I'm afraid I don't go to second base with anyone, not even the fun dates."

Shizuo opened his mouth to speak when something was suddenly pressed against his face, the brunet was…

As soon as it happened, it was over. Izaya pulled away, grinning like he was the cat in the cannery. He skipped happily up the nearby stairs and waved, "your bedroom is whatever room you wish to sleep in, the bags by the couch have your new clothes! Don't go nowhere now!" He laughed as he disappeared and Shizuo wiped his mouth, eyes wide in shock and nose wrinkled in disgust.

That…

That had been one of the most disgusting displays he had ever been privy to in his entire life. He grabbed the bourbon from the table and gulped down as much as he could, trying to rid himself of the bitter taste of the man. He leaned back and felt his fists clench as he finally took in the music they were listening to.

_Cause it's murder by number 1, 2, 3 it's as easy to learn as your abc's. _

He was going to kill that lawyer…

He was going to kill him dead.

~.~

How fun. How fun! Izaya fell upon his bed and opened his eyes wide, pulling the contacts out and setting them back into the case in his pocket. Rather extreme, kissing a client, but it had been worth it. The man's reaction had been so unpredictable! He hadn't even pushed him! The shocked look on his face had been priceless!

He looked over at the monitor on his desk and grinned as he found the bartender sitting on the couch still, touching his lips like he was a freaking virgin. Oh, what if he was? Izaya rolled back and forth on his bed in excitement. This was just too great! Too fun! The man was so clueless! So naïve!

He honestly thought that he, Izaya Orihara was a full blown attorney with some fancy degree and fancy practice!

His phone rang from his pocket and flipping it open, Izaya laughed hard at the text message.

[Air Conditioner: The police said that Heiwajima-san was set on house arrest and bail, pending trail! Are you alright?]

Oh Mikado-chan! The foolish idiot had no idea! This was a game, like many other games of his. Did he not remember him doing the same thing for Shiki-san? Of course, then he had had to wear the house arrest bracelet himself, since Shiki-san was a busy man and had important business elsewhere in the region.

Looking over again, Izaya felt absolutely giddy at the furious look on Shizuo's face as he sat there, trying to comprehend Izaya's actions. Too bad there was no reason to it. Spontaneous reaction, Shizu-chan, Izaya thought, An event that occurs out of nowhere with no obvious cause for it.

~.~

_**A/N: dsjklfhjwer WHAT IS HAPPENING! NOOOOOO! –plot bunnies dragging prustrian informant away, one holding vending machine- NOOO! ONLY BLOND MONSTERS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! NOT BUNNIES! HELP!**_

…_**oh, maybe review too… yeah~ review~**_


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